Forced Sacrifice.

It's hard to live my life and experience these amazing opportunities being offered to me when I know people who are suffering.
The worst part is, the pain wasn't caused by anyone. It's not something that could've been prevented.
It's just one of life's bullshit happenings. That's all I can call it.

Maybe you could understand if it was happening to someone who deserved it. Who put others through the same amount of pain. Although, it is so wrong to wish bad things upon anyone.

It's really cruel of the world to tease. To show death to someone, then give them back life. Let them believe it's fully theirs again. Let them take back control, let them live it the second time through with a new understanding, then snatch it back.
Shove them in a small bed in a white room and let them lay there. Let them ask what they did wrong. Let them say their good-byes. Allow them to ponder death.
But for the second time.

What's the price?
A home?
A group of friends?
A family?
Because none of those seem to be worth enough.
Not enough for one life.

A hero doesn't have to be fit and strong.
They can be laying in a hospital bed dying.
And still, they save us all.
From our stupidity, from our naivity, from ourselves.

You didn't want to sacrifice yourself.
But you were chosen to.
You saved us.

Kimberley Doreen x

No. I Don't Want to be Beautiful.

The cold irony is that I'm in my bed right now, baggy pajamas, a runny nose and a hot, flushed face.
Hell, I'd give anything to be beautiful at this moment in time.
But then again, that would be such a waste. No one is in the room with me, no one would even see.
So, on that thought, these pajamas are actually quite comfortable.

I'm getting off track.

The thought about not wanting beauty came when I was reading the typical teenage magazine.
Both magazines I have with me now are ones that promote health, well-being and satisfaction with oneself.
So why the hell, when I open to a random page, do the magazines read;
"How to make yourself beautiful"
"Creating a gorgeous new you"
"Fashion that will impress the boys"

I don't want to waste my money on expensive beauty products.
I don't want to ask my mum if I can buy that $300 dress because it enhances my curves.
I don't want to create a new me. I'm happy with myself now.

You are beautiful. And if no one is telling you that, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself.
(Yes I know, you'll feel like a total moron expecially if you get caught).
Just if you remember anything, remember that. Cause it's true.
Would I ever lie to you?

So no. Perhaps being beautiful isn't for me.
Perhaps I will invest in my future instead.
Or perhaps I will stand in front of my mirror and remind myself, I already am.

Kimberley Doreen x