Untitled - A very short, sad story.

We're walking together, hand in hand, in a crowd that engulfs us with its size. You turn to look at me and smile, oh that smile, it's so beautiful to see. You look away laughing to yourself, I pull you closer. We walk like that for a while, you pressing against my side, my hand and yours intertwined. As we continue, I peer down and see a coin, I let go momentarily. When I stand back up you're gone. I can see you no longer. I shout for you, but you're already lost somewhere in the crowd. People glance at me, they don't care. No one does. I drop the coin, and go in search of your hand which I mistakenly let go.

The crowd disperses, and yet still you are no where to be seen. I try to call , but then hang up when I remember you telling me how your phone was dying - how you didn't care. You told me it was okay because I got your full attention. We laughed.
I'm not laughing now.
Where are you? I think. I can't think. I sit. I stand. I feel sick. I try to drink, but my throat closes up. I can't, I can't.

I remember now. I remember where you are. I walk quickly, my palms sweaty. I clench and unclench my fist - your palm belongs there. The path is small as it avoids the stones that are scattered here. I've found you at last. I knew you would be here. Ever since I lost you the very first time, I always return here to look for you, and you prove me right every time. I kneel down and run my hands along where you lie. I've missed you. I will aways miss you.

What Do I Say?

It's so hard to sit back and watch someone torture themselves for other people.
Crafting their outer-being to suit other people's ideal person. The perfect person.
Been there, done that that.

But how can I tell you this without making myself look so naive? So silly?
Of course I wanted to be perfect once-upon-a-time, then I realized that no one really is perfect.
I use to be the kid in the corner, with their head bent to their hands, wondering how to proceed in life. Calculating every flaw that my next decision would involve, and considering what other people would think.
Why did I care so much? I had what many of the others didn't - indivduality.
You have it too.

Maybe I should tell you my history, it might snap you out of this hypnotic transe you're in
You're perfect to me. Sometimes I look at you and tell myself that you must be one of the happiest people around, you have everything good in your life. Everything motivating you to live a great life.
So why do you question yourself and put yourself through this torture?



Please stop. I can't watch anymore. I'll help you if you want, but please. No more.
Kimberley Doreen x

One of Those Days

Do you ever have those days where you allow yourself to believe everything will be just fine?
Those blissfully happy days, where you trust fate and turn yourself in?
It's honestly the best feeling you can have.
It allows you a little more freedom, a little more "piece of mind".

I actually love these days because I feel like I have all the answers.
Not about the world, but even better; about my life.
I can start to dream again, I can act like a child again. No longer do I need to take control, for my future will be fine. Everything will be fine. I can relax!

It doesn't matter what the weather's like outdoors. It doesn't matter who I'm with. It doesn't even matter where I am.
The only thing that matters is that I can smile and enjoy life, even if it is for that blissfull one day.
That's a gift. And one I intend to pass on.

Kimberley Doreen x

Now I've Noticed.

How long does one remain under-appreciated?
For as long as you let them remain that way.

Now I realize how much you do for me.
Thanks Mum.
Kimberley Doreen x

Past vs. Present

Face pressed against the white towel, I breathe deeply, trying to inhale as much salty air as I can before my next. I turn my face to the side and look out at the crystals bouncing on the water's surface, blinking twice to re-adjust my eyes to the sudden increase of light.
This is the moment where I forget last night's happenings and instead focus on where I currently am.
I should have done that this morning, but instead my mind was still locked on the ideas of yesterday. Well, not anymore.


Heat finds me, even though it has to pass through at least two layers of clothing. I smile quietly to myself.
The warmth offered is accepted gratefully, although the possibility of sunburn is rejected politly.
Now, today.

Have you ever heard the saying, that if the body experiences the same thing enough, your body syncs the same actions automatically?
We wake everyday without fail, and most of the time we repeat the same thing we did yesterday. Perhaps a slow stretch and a quick yawn or maybe our face muscles tightening in response to our alarm's loud sharp ring.
Our muscles remember, our bodies remember.
So this already sets us up for fail. Right? I mean if we already wake doing the same thing as yesterday, of course our minds are going to remember the thoughts that followed, and then the experiences witnessed and the experiences in which we participated.
This means that we're already thinking about yesterday instead of what's happening now.
Our past reigns over our future.

Just take time to relax and forget yesterday, for you're already living tomorrow.
Kimberley Doreen x

The Song We Write

The outlandish music playing in the background of every serious moment that happens in life, is created by our focused minds. It's trying to remind us of our current condition, if not the fact that we don't want to be in the situation we're in.
The reason why it's outlandish music, is because it actually manages to grab our attention, even if we simply ask ourselves, "what is that horrid noise". Yes, truth is our thoughts can be sometimes what we hate most about ourselves, because you can never actually silence them.
No matter how many times you re-arrange yourself in preperation for sleep, or how many times you find yourself writing things that don't really capture the way you feel, your thoughts are still there.
The music still plays.

But, that music is soothing. After a while, we stop concentrating on the insistive thud that's meant to be the bass, or the out-of-time eerie bell chime that's meant to make the song what it is, but instead we begin to focus on the lyrical content.
It's often poetic, telling us of what we must do next, reminding us that life goes on, and re-assuring us that we still have faith. It's enough to send us into the relaxed state we're in when we wake, realizing only later that we must have fallen asleep to it.

So as you see, we all actually send ourselves into the depths of sleep.
Although we do it asking questions and answering them, often with-in the same hour if not minute.
When you hear the music play, embrace it. Feel the beat and listen closely to the lyrics, because it's you reminding yourself what you're here for. And how long you have to go.

Kimberley Doreen x

Stop Being Immature and Grow-Up. No.

As you get older, you grow and mature. At least that's what everyone says anyway.
For a long time I fought the growth and refused to accept the fact I was maturing, clinging desperatly onto my old ways of life. I'm too young to grow and mature just yet, after all. But for that time when I was refusing, I was also awakening.
Awakening to everything around me. My new way of life. When I was younger, certain things didn't exist, for the simple reason that I didn't know about them. Ignorance, they call it.
And maybe it was better that way.
I wouldn't know that the pretty stars, are actually just suns.
I wouldn't know about global warming, only that it was getting hotter.
I wouldn't know why we have war, only that people were fighting somewhere.
I wouldn't know how people die, only that God took them.
I wouldn't know about anything that doesn't effect me.
That's what they call selfishness.

I still don't know what it's called.
Perhaps it's called youth.
Kimberley Doreen x